The Spanish Chronicles (Part III)

The Trip

It would be foolhardy for me to try & capture the details of the Spain trip. For one, there's so much that i saw and did and ate! For another, the whole trip was so surreal at times that words can't really do justice. I can, of course, resort to the more popular style - post photos on Facebook and here with some attempts at witty one-line descriptions. 

Confused that I am, I have, therefore, tried to capture some of the facets of the trip - with the trademark one-liners wherever I could conjure one!

Real Madrid - The 1st Love!

In Madrid the affair with Sangria, Paella & Tapas started, oh heaven
Scene of life cosmopolitan, vividly urbane and protests even!
Herein of course,, lies the revered Santiago Bernebeu
Enthralled by their glory, I visited & paid respects due

Sevilla was on the agenda next
There was of course no football pretext
Beautiful gardens, grand palace and magnificent cathedral
The mesmerizing flamenco appealed to senses artistic & cerebral

Cadiz - Picture perfect!

The ZNMD moment - driving through Spain!

Rented a car and set off to Cadiz sans 'Bagwati'
The left hand drive and the high speeds se thodi to phati
The white sand beaches, the green sea stirred conscience
Making the ZNMD moment quite an unforgettable experience

Exotic Marbella!

Marbella was undoubtedly the place most exotic
But the weather almost turned our visit Quixotic
The pristine beaches, fancy cars and yachts docked nonchalantly
My notions of a good life were assaulted completely

Gaudy Gaudi or Gaudi Gaudy?

The temple of the beautiful game

Our last stop was grand old Barcelona City
We had only four days, Oh! what a pity!
From football to history to culture to works of Gaudi
Barcelona has so much to enthrall just about anybody

This trip to Spain was indeed a metaphor for life
Sometimes beautiful sometimes besotted by unexpected strife
Charmed by its life and beauty, my heart's grown fonder
But then, isn't Journey the Reward, I wonder, I wonder!

The Spanish Chronicles (Part II)

Why Spain?

The 1st three reasons that come to my mind are: Football, Football & Football.
Yes, Spain trip is actually a pilgrimage with some sight-seeing thrown in! That I won't be able to watch any of the matches LIVE is another story though. But to be able to see and touch and take 'MY' photos in the stadium to update in Facebook is what today's dreams are made of, aren't they?


While planning a vacation first,
Foremost is visit to land unseen thirst
Without wanting to get too radical
Guided by reasons some esoteric some economical

Honestly we never did consider Portugal
Albeit its football wizards that enthrall one & all
Suffice to say when these masters seek glory and gain
It is always Spain, It is always Spain!

Ireland did make it to the list
But ale seemed to be the vacation's only gist
Having visited its neighbors my interest did wane
It has to be Spain, It has to be Spain

In Greece the romance of a holiday regaled
But over pristine scenery the love for the game prevailed
For culture & history shall always remain
Let this time be Spain, Let this time be Spain

We Are Chelsea!

This one was written a while back. In the euphoria of my favorite EPL team reaching the finals of the Champions League. In fact, the very prospect of making it to the Semi-finals, leave alone the finals was so unrealistic and amazing - that the results of the finals didn't really matter. 

That Chelsea went on to win The Champions League beating the mighty Bayern Munich in their home turf - is something that legends are made of. 

The following lines were however penned when the beast beat the beauty (the true connoisseur of the beautiful game, Barcelona), when determination prevailed over skill & when gusto outclassed guile. 

Here's to Chelsea!

We came we conquered the world did see

Making reality of unbelievable fantasy

We are Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea!!!

Down to 10 men, it was indeed dicey

A missed penalty & some luck courtesy

We are Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea!!!

Stood a wall of gladiators gutsy

To win a result many did not foresee

We are Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea!!!

Low possession no dribble fancy

We play only to win you see

We are Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea!!!

The Spanish Chronicles (Part I)

Vamos!

Yes, Spain it is! Finally I am down to counting days to the Spain trip. It’s a different matter that the countdown started at 100 days!

It’s funny that every time I have told anyone that I am planning a Spain trip, the 1^st reference is of ZNMD i.e. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, the film. And this includes even my much older relatives who I would normally not associate with watching such marquee youth movies. Guess the movie did well then. But I am not liking it these days.

I loved the film when I saw it, make no mistake. But the obvious conclusion that my trip is inspired by the movie is kind of saying NASA’s space mission is inspired by Star Trek. Ok, bad analogy! May be that’s the case with NASA – but clearly not for me. And the more I think of it, the more I am amazed at how entirely different this trip is likely to be from the movie.

Therefore, for nobody in general but me in particular, I am trying to sort this out in my mind & distance myself from any suggestions of being inspired by the movie. Next time anyone suggests, I am going to send them the link to this blog. So here’s my list of reasons and as with such banal matters, there is no order to this list:

1.       This is no boys only trip: And herein I rest my case. The boys (age no bar) will understand the enormity of this point. And the rest – well, that doesn’t really matter but I guess they’d understand it too. So technically, I could conclude this blog here itself.

2.       There’s no car on hire: Much as the movie has made rented car travel so romantic, but we don’t have any rented car in our plans for travelling around in Spain (at least as of now). We’ll be travelling mostly budget airlines and trains, sometimes the cheapest fares at the un-godliest hours. But who said good times can’t be had on a budget. Besides, if you have travelled in trains in India then the trains in Europe are like travelling in the lap of luxury. And I have travelled in Mumbai trains – and that completely throws the whole luxury (or for that matter comfort) argument out of the window.

3.       No la tomatina: I have only fond memories of the sultry Ms. KK gyrating to pulsating music covered head to toes in juices. Mmm. I am not even getting into describing the red hot tomatoes here. Ok, FOCUS! Yes, I am so enamored by that song (actually just her, can’t recall the song) that I am not letting anything mingle with that – not even the REAL DEAL.

4.       No Adventure Sports: With diving instructors like those (actually THE ONE) in the movie, diving should have been my religion. Deep sea diving, sky diving, diving into that gaze, diving in with…. STOP! FOCUS AGAIN! Ok, I am not doing any diving. I may dive into the sea standing up which some people may call jumping. And Sky Diving – Absolutely Not. I accord it to a mild case of vertigo - but I rechecked my Life Insurance policies. It clearly excludes such acts of bravado. My adventure quota is filled to the brim negotiating the mindless traffic and dodging falling flyover slabs (yes, the one next to my office fell the other day, but that’s pretty routine) in Mumbai – I can live without paid adventure. And as far the adventure of the bovine kind is concerned (Bull Fighting before you start imagining), again (ha ha) – the Mumbai traffic ensures that I am out-running and side-stepping them all the time here and I am never short on such thrills.

So then, the question that presents itself is – why Spain? Let me try to answer that in my next post.

Planning a vacation after time long

Visiting the mecca of football this Bong

Go astray on vodka, beer, gin & tonic

Please! It has nothing to do with that film iconic!

Chilling by the beach and hopefully some shopping

Followed by stuff touristy and nights of bar hopping

If that’s the plan why then my mind ponders

When not everyone is lost who wanders!

Salud!

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10 Non Cricketing Reasons Why Sachin Won't Make That 100!!!

Has anyone ever broken so many hearts so many times? Elvis, Lennon or even closer home, Salman would struggle to match our man’s herculean and maniacal fan following. And to think that he is not even a fraction attractive compared to many such demi-gods. That is, when you see him without his bat. For, with that not-so-little piece of wood in his hand, he is a piece of art, a mesmerizing musical note, a sublime ballet performance, a riveting orchestra .

Yes, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, who at 5ft & (very) few inches, probably stands tallest amongst the top Male models in the country, if not the world. But then, much has been written about him and that elusive ton. So I shall digress a bit. How about, say, Sachin retiring from International Cricket without scoring that one century. Possible? Nah! But hypothetically, let’s do assume that for some time. Cricketing reasons aside, what could be the possible reasons for Sachin not scoring his 100^th 100. Some thoughts:

1.     Strip threat from Poonam Pandey: We all know our man Sachin is a true family man. Remember him with his kids on winning the World Cup? Well, a certain Poonam Pandey has, it seems, threatened to bare all once he reaches this milestone. Last time it was the full team, but alone, this is one (actually two) bouncer (yes, pun intended) that Sachin is not playing. Well left (and right), Sachin!

The Family Guy 

2.     It’s the Bata pricing thing silly: Sachin was brought up in an era where shoes were only Bata. And they have always had a psychological pricing of 99, 199, 299 etc. It’s like coitus interruptus, almost there but not quite. This has left a lasting impression on Sachin who bought all his early years’ footwear at Bata stores only – that is, till Adidas happened to him. Unfortunately, Bata can’t afford Sachin any more.

3.     The role in Mission Impossible series: Seeing the potential of Hollywood movies in India with (or despite) the presence of Anil Kapoor in MI-4, Messrs Tom Cruise & Co. have decided to offer the lead role to Sachin for Mission Impossible-100. But they have put an injunction clause on his scoring that 100. And when the reel hero Sachin accomplishes his 100^th Mission, something that his real avatar chose not to, the film is likely to break all BO records. Not surprisingly, they have already sold the rights of the movie to an Indian TV Channel for over 100 Crores. Sachin of course, has to think of life after Cricket also. 

MI-100 Premier

4.     Sachin & Mrs. IPL Ambani have stakes in Aaj Tak & India TV News Channels: These channels have already got their story ready about how our friendly neighbor’s ISI is involved in the conspiracy to not allow Sachin get his 100^th ton. ISI has bribed the players (not Pakistani ones any more), umpires, tampered balls, altered TV replays, created artificial rains to stop matches, created desert storms (that one didn’t work too well in Sharjah) and done every possible thing to stop him from making a century of centuries. Everyone wants TRP and Sachin, the shrewd businessman that he is, has opted to play with his head over the heart.

Janiye 99 Kab tak - Aaj Tak exclusive

5.     Sachin can’t stand Kambli anymore: For the last one decade, Whine-od Kambli has been vicariously basking on Sachin’s glories, especially on channels where Sachin has a stake (read point 4). Every time Sachin is in the news (which is like 365 days a year), Kambli’s ugly (is there a softer adjective available?) head makes an appearance. But enough is enough, Sachin is not going to give any more fodder to Whine-od to chew. No 100^th ton, no interviews for Kambli. And dear Kambli – no, we don’t want to know about that perfect square drive that Sachin played after seeing your shot in that Harris Shield match.

Not best friends anymore

6.     100 in binary is only 4: Sachin is a mathematical genius. And since he is from the land of techies and IT, he does not want to confuse his die-hard fans by 100 centuries which may be construed as 4. For generations to come in India, and there will be plenty, let there be no confusion. 99 is one less than a Century, 100 may be 4 or Century. Why cause confusion! True Sachin style

7.     After all, Sachin ~ Bradman: Famously, Bradman quit international cricket with a test average just short of 100. And that is the genius of the man. Sachin may not match that average, but he can surely match that math. 99 Centuries and that’s it. The legend is in tragedy – ask Romeo & Juliet. 

8.     Promoting cricket in Burkina Faso: Sachin is the greatest statesman of the game. He wants to promote Cricket in every nook and corner of the world. His deliberate attempt at not scoring the 100^th ton is essentially a genius’ foresight to promote the game. With Sharad Pawar heading the ICC, the BCCI is going to schedule an inaugural tour to this test playing African country where Sachin would finally score is 100^th Century. And etch the name of the country in the annals of cricketing history. Bravo (not you West Indian) Sachin!

Another Test Playing Nation 

9.     Anjali wants Sachin home after his 100^th ton and help kids with homework: Genius, after all, is a full-time job . Not surprisingly, Sachin’s cricketing heroics took him away from academic pursuits – thank god for that. But this onerous ultimatum from wifey dear has motivated Sachin to play at least till the age of 50.

10.  No commentary contracts for Sachin: The usual inverted hierarchy in cricketing world means that a player becomes a commentator post voluntary/ involuntary retirement. But alas! Gifted that he is with cricketing genius, Sachin's voice department to him is like Santa Singh to all Sardars - the butt of innumerable jokes. Bat and not Baat (as in Hindi) is Sachin’s forte, and he is sticking to it. Aila Sachin!

Even the best length and the best line

He drove, glanced or cut ever so fine

Blessed are we to have witnessed the divine

Ensuring India’s game always did shine

No more debate none any whine

For we are happy even with Ninety nine

King of good times turns king of hard times…

I am a great fan of Kingfisher, the beer that is. Over time, I have also extended that same loyalty to some of the other brand extensions of Kingfisher – mostly the calendar and the lifestyle channel, but to a lesser measure, the Airlines also. The testosterone teasing smart (sexy?) outfits of the crew alongwith the promise of the Alfa Male(ya) having hand-picked them did help. But what really seemed to work for Kingfisher was the promise of GLAMOUR – with a big, loud and red G. Ceteris Paribus (All things being equal) – millions added a certain oomph to their air-miles. To the sex-starved male species (and there are over half a billion of those thanks to the skewed gender ratios) raised on sheepish glances at the flash of skin – even if it was just the calf, Kingfisher’s was a bold move. It challenged the prevailing social balance – albeit 30,000 ft above the earth. No longer could you ignore that scarlet stewardess who could pass the uniform color to your cheek by a mere smile (or a glare). And then, you had in-flight entertainment. A perfect panacea for the chatter-till-death us. And we gleefully mopped it up.

But this journey from cocktails to cockpits has been a heady one – fraught with high costs, unaccommodating regulatory policies and steep fuel costs. Kingfisher, despite its promoters’ endorsement of high-octane Formula 1, may have found negotiating with these turns far more challenging. The point of this article, however, is not to delve into the reasons of turbulence at Kingfisher. My point is far from being esoteric. It is got to do with the farcical hypocrisy that is being played around these days in Kingfisher Airlines – if you are lucky to board one that is. But then, that is another matter.

The Alfa Male(ya) Welcome Speech: C’mon guys, get real – we know you are currently in the spot between the devil & the deep blue sea (sky?). So let’s drop the pretence. Pinch me hard for I don’t see myself being a guest of Mr. Mallya. Unless, he likes to put them up in crammed seats, doesn’t offer welcome drinks (no, not beer), offers water only when asked or as per schedule. I am happy to hear a short crisp message from the pilot promising that I’ll reach my destination on time. And let’s not even discuss the ‘personal selection’ of the flight crew by our man. I select the Victoria’s Secret Models then.

The non-operational In-flight entertainment devices: Yes, I acknowledge that Kingfisher raised the domestic travel bar through this. But let’s not tease your paying guests. For, there can’t be a more cruel torture than to have a television set in front without sound! How do you know when to laugh in Friends’ Season X’ millionth re-run? And please stop assigning technical reasons for the non-operability of the instruments. A technical snag delays flights, a technical issue results in cancelled flights and a technical error plays havoc with the ticketing system. May be, technically correct – but this tectonic shift in resolving technological issues is definitely not helping. You can fly a plane but not the play the TV – go fly a kite! Again – get honest, cover the screens or disable the controls.

I am not at a fault finding spree here. I am still flying Kingfisher – in fact, have 4 flights with them in the next 30 days. And I am really hoping that all flights do take-off and there are no technical (or otherwise) snags! Keeping the fingers crossed – this is one rough weather that I am hoping the Airlines will come out of.

There was once this airlines

Promise it did a king of good times

Sexy crew dressed in scarlet red

As hard times fell, creditors it dread

Far from the symbol of life well spent

Deeper and deeper in red it went

Fret not, there may still be reason to cheer

Just focus on Whiskey, vodka & good old beer