I am a great fan of Kingfisher, the beer that is. Over time, I have also extended that same loyalty to some of the other brand extensions of Kingfisher – mostly the calendar and the lifestyle channel, but to a lesser measure, the Airlines also. The testosterone teasing smart (sexy?) outfits of the crew alongwith the promise of the Alfa Male(ya) having hand-picked them did help. But what really seemed to work for Kingfisher was the promise of GLAMOUR – with a big, loud and red G. Ceteris Paribus (All things being equal) – millions added a certain oomph to their air-miles. To the sex-starved male species (and there are over half a billion of those thanks to the skewed gender ratios) raised on sheepish glances at the flash of skin – even if it was just the calf, Kingfisher’s was a bold move. It challenged the prevailing social balance – albeit 30,000 ft above the earth. No longer could you ignore that scarlet stewardess who could pass the uniform color to your cheek by a mere smile (or a glare). And then, you had in-flight entertainment. A perfect panacea for the chatter-till-death us. And we gleefully mopped it up.
But this journey from cocktails to cockpits has been a heady one – fraught with high costs, unaccommodating regulatory policies and steep fuel costs. Kingfisher, despite its promoters’ endorsement of high-octane Formula 1, may have found negotiating with these turns far more challenging. The point of this article, however, is not to delve into the reasons of turbulence at Kingfisher. My point is far from being esoteric. It is got to do with the farcical hypocrisy that is being played around these days in Kingfisher Airlines – if you are lucky to board one that is. But then, that is another matter.
The Alfa Male(ya) Welcome Speech: C’mon guys, get real – we know you are currently in the spot between the devil & the deep blue sea (sky?). So let’s drop the pretence. Pinch me hard for I don’t see myself being a guest of Mr. Mallya. Unless, he likes to put them up in crammed seats, doesn’t offer welcome drinks (no, not beer), offers water only when asked or as per schedule. I am happy to hear a short crisp message from the pilot promising that I’ll reach my destination on time. And let’s not even discuss the ‘personal selection’ of the flight crew by our man. I select the Victoria’s Secret Models then.
The non-operational In-flight entertainment devices: Yes, I acknowledge that Kingfisher raised the domestic travel bar through this. But let’s not tease your paying guests. For, there can’t be a more cruel torture than to have a television set in front without sound! How do you know when to laugh in Friends’ Season X’ millionth re-run? And please stop assigning technical reasons for the non-operability of the instruments. A technical snag delays flights, a technical issue results in cancelled flights and a technical error plays havoc with the ticketing system. May be, technically correct – but this tectonic shift in resolving technological issues is definitely not helping. You can fly a plane but not the play the TV – go fly a kite! Again – get honest, cover the screens or disable the controls.
I am not at a fault finding spree here. I am still flying Kingfisher – in fact, have 4 flights with them in the next 30 days. And I am really hoping that all flights do take-off and there are no technical (or otherwise) snags! Keeping the fingers crossed – this is one rough weather that I am hoping the Airlines will come out of.
There was once this airlines
Promise it did a king of good times
Sexy crew dressed in scarlet red
As hard times fell, creditors it dread
Far from the symbol of life well spent
Deeper and deeper in red it went
Fret not, there may still be reason to cheer
Just focus on Whiskey, vodka & good old beer
