Has anyone ever broken so many hearts so many times? Elvis, Lennon or even closer home, Salman would struggle to match our man’s herculean and maniacal fan following. And to think that he is not even a fraction attractive compared to many such demi-gods. That is, when you see him without his bat. For, with that not-so-little piece of wood in his hand, he is a piece of art, a mesmerizing musical note, a sublime ballet performance, a riveting orchestra .
Yes, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, who at 5ft & (very) few inches, probably stands tallest amongst the top Male models in the country, if not the world. But then, much has been written about him and that elusive ton. So I shall digress a bit. How about, say, Sachin retiring from International Cricket without scoring that one century. Possible? Nah! But hypothetically, let’s do assume that for some time. Cricketing reasons aside, what could be the possible reasons for Sachin not scoring his 100th 100. Some thoughts:
1. Strip threat from Poonam Pandey: We all know our man Sachin is a true family man. Remember him with his kids on winning the World Cup? Well, a certain Poonam Pandey has, it seems, threatened to bare all once he reaches this milestone. Last time it was the full team, but alone, this is one (actually two) bouncer (yes, pun intended) that Sachin is not playing. Well left (and right), Sachin!
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| The Family Guy |
2. It’s the Bata pricing thing silly: Sachin was brought up in an era where shoes were only Bata. And they have always had a psychological pricing of 99, 199, 299 etc. It’s like coitus interruptus, almost there but not quite. This has left a lasting impression on Sachin who bought all his early years’ footwear at Bata stores only – that is, till Adidas happened to him. Unfortunately, Bata can’t afford Sachin any more.
3. The role in Mission Impossible series: Seeing the potential of Hollywood movies in India with (or despite) the presence of Anil Kapoor in MI-4, Messrs Tom Cruise & Co. have decided to offer the lead role to Sachin for Mission Impossible-100. But they have put an injunction clause on his scoring that 100. And when the reel hero Sachin accomplishes his 100th Mission, something that his real avatar chose not to, the film is likely to break all BO records. Not surprisingly, they have already sold the rights of the movie to an Indian TV Channel for over 100 Crores. Sachin of course, has to think of life after Cricket also.
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| MI-100 Premier |
4. Sachin & Mrs. IPL Ambani have stakes in Aaj Tak & India TV News Channels: These channels have already got their story ready about how our friendly neighbor’s ISI is involved in the conspiracy to not allow Sachin get his 100th ton. ISI has bribed the players (not Pakistani ones any more), umpires, tampered balls, altered TV replays, created artificial rains to stop matches, created desert storms (that one didn’t work too well in Sharjah) and done every possible thing to stop him from making a century of centuries. Everyone wants TRP and Sachin, the shrewd businessman that he is, has opted to play with his head over the heart.
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| Janiye 99 Kab tak - Aaj Tak exclusive |
5. Sachin can’t stand Kambli anymore: For the last one decade, Whine-od Kambli has been vicariously basking on Sachin’s glories, especially on channels where Sachin has a stake (read point 4). Every time Sachin is in the news (which is like 365 days a year), Kambli’s ugly (is there a softer adjective available?) head makes an appearance. But enough is enough, Sachin is not going to give any more fodder to Whine-od to chew. No 100th ton, no interviews for Kambli. And dear Kambli – no, we don’t want to know about that perfect square drive that Sachin played after seeing your shot in that Harris Shield match.
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| Not best friends anymore |
6. 100 in binary is only 4: Sachin is a mathematical genius. And since he is from the land of techies and IT, he does not want to confuse his die-hard fans by 100 centuries which may be construed as 4. For generations to come in India, and there will be plenty, let there be no confusion. 99 is one less than a Century, 100 may be 4 or Century. Why cause confusion! True Sachin style
7. After all, Sachin ~ Bradman: Famously, Bradman quit international cricket with a test average just short of 100. And that is the genius of the man. Sachin may not match that average, but he can surely match that math. 99 Centuries and that’s it. The legend is in tragedy – ask Romeo & Juliet.
8. Promoting cricket in Burkina Faso: Sachin is the greatest statesman of the game. He wants to promote Cricket in every nook and corner of the world. His deliberate attempt at not scoring the 100th ton is essentially a genius’ foresight to promote the game. With Sharad Pawar heading the ICC, the BCCI is going to schedule an inaugural tour to this test playing African country where Sachin would finally score is 100th Century. And etch the name of the country in the annals of cricketing history. Bravo (not you West Indian) Sachin!
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| Another Test Playing Nation |
9. Anjali wants Sachin home after his 100th ton and help kids with homework: Genius, after all, is a full-time job . Not surprisingly, Sachin’s cricketing heroics took him away from academic pursuits – thank god for that. But this onerous ultimatum from wifey dear has motivated Sachin to play at least till the age of 50.
10. No commentary contracts for Sachin: The usual inverted hierarchy in cricketing world means that a player becomes a commentator post voluntary/ involuntary retirement. But alas! Gifted that he is with cricketing genius, Sachin's voice department to him is like Santa Singh to all Sardars - the butt of innumerable jokes. Bat and not Baat (as in Hindi) is Sachin’s forte, and he is sticking to it. Aila Sachin!
Even the best length and the best line
He drove, glanced or cut ever so fine
Blessed are we to have witnessed the divine
Ensuring India’s game always did shine
No more debate none any whine
For we are happy even with Ninety nine
